Happy New Year, Charlie Brown

  •  Mulligatawny – Granola Free
  • Chicken and Spinach Salad
  • Carrot Cake,  iced with cream cheese and honey.
  • Soba – Eaten on New Year’s Eve, the long noodles represent long life.

 

 Dioffo, Matt, Mama-Goose, Maggie Moonshine, Mikan-chan, Okkoi Master, Sunao, Shoppei, Kie, Center-Mouth Imoto, Masu

 

 The Fall

What happens when you’re a 6 foot tall white woman and you fall like Charlie Brown in Japan? People look at you like, “What. Just. Happened.” Somebody might reach to help you, but then think better of it and just stare as you wipe the shame from your overalls and walk away with some dignity. In the future, the tension could be eased by turning the fall in to the first move of a breakdancing routine. Alternatively, alerting the gaijin phone tree network and rallying any other foreigners in the immediate vicinity to fall down, so that onlookers might think it’s modern art.

 

The Mugging

I don’t care what you say, Chicago is a dangerous place. More than half the people I’ve met from the windy city have a mugging story. You’re told not to fight back, and when two little Chinese men demand your bag in (what in another context would be) comically high voices at gunpoint, what can you do? Can I at least have my phone? NO. They even took the moon cakes. That’s just insulting.

 

The 31 Flavors

Everybody who has worked at Baskin Robins agrees: you don’t talk about it.

 

The Pot Belly

Some men are born lucky. Other men have to work to get theirs to look like they swallowed a bowl.

 

The Epiphany

Japanese culture would be more estimable if it were less egocentric.

 

The Expression

“Packed like a Daiko” – 1. Tightly fit. 2. Conveniently Equipped

 

 The Reminiscence

Looking back at the last year Matt reminisced on his two girlfriends. One gave him a Rubik’s Cube for a gift. Possible underlying meaning: “Here’s a puzzle you can’t figure out, just like you couldn’t figure me out.” Rebuttal: I watched some videos on YouTube and solved the puzzle. Maybe you should put some videos up for your next boyfriend.

 

The Resolution

Learn a slight of hand. Possible applications: A ball of fire erupt from your hands during a morning meeting. When co-workers look back down, they see their documents have gone missing. After the moment of commotion, they realize they’ve been stripped to their knickers. Penn and Teller beat that.

 

The Coin

I watched several people throw their coins in to the coffer. I threw mine. I didn’t hear the tinkle of metal on metal. I looked at the shrine maiden. She looked from the coin to me. I looked at the coin. It had gotten stuck in a notch. The look on the shrine maiden’s face told me I was in for a bad year.

 

The Culture

Can you imagine the Thanksgiving Day Parade, or a holiday Nativity Scene, or maybe an Independence Day fireworks show flavored with the presence of dimly lit fried-food booths, run by greasy gangsters with criminal records? Even at a Shinto shrine at three o’clock on New Year’s morning. Welcome to Japan.

 

The Fortune

Both my and Dioffo’s fortunes told us to “stay the course”. 2012 here we come, placidly.